Happy Hubert Holidays

Nothing new to report on the Chasing Hubert search this week. I've been waiting at my mailbox so often lately to see if I have received any responses to my snail mail inquiries that our mailman has begun handing me the mail with a sly smirk intimating that perhaps my sudden interest in the U.S. postal service is likely due to a penchant for a man in uniform, as in THIS man in letter carrier uniform.

The mail was handed over yesterday and, unfortunately, all I received was a wink from said letter carrier and an avalanche of Christmas cards to which I have yet to respond. I love receiving cards but hate giving them. The antithesis of the Christmas spirit, I know, but the entire Christmas card tradition of exchanging greetings throws me into turmoil. First off you have to select from thousands of card choices - do I go for humor or tradition, do I opt for a religious message or a generic holiday greeting? Then there is the obligatory personal message to compose, addressing, licking and sealing the envelopes, not to mention the expense of mailing a sackful of cards at 44 cents per card.

For me, far and away the worst, most dreaded and despised part of the entire Christmas card debacle is receiving THE LETTER! You know, that folded, typewritten insert in the card that details every highlight of the sender's apparently charmed life over the last year. Even worse are the ones set to rhyme - "Vacationed in Switzerland, Daughter's accepted to Yale, Just bought a vintage Ferrari, This summer family hiked the entire Appalachian Trail...." Just once I would love to receive a letter that tells it like it really is. And so, here is my Christmas letter for those of us whose lives are not a scene out of Currier and Ives:

T'is the week before Christmas
And all through my house
Running around crazed
Too many family fires to douse

Two middle daughters are feuding
Husband's business is slow
I'm still out of work
Holiday spirits are running low

Got humongous bill from Cobra
Dishwasher's busted, it won't dry
Still haven't found Hubert
I've developed PVD in my right eye

Suburban's transmission is broken
Volvo's radiator is shot
Tried to decorate the front yard
But picket fence has wood rot

Out taxes have doubled
College tuition's a month overdue
Still haven't found Hubert
Daughter's roommate has swine flu

But I'm not complaining
On a positive note
Daughter removed her nose piercing
Visa's giving us one more month to float

Our neighbors gave us their old clunker
So kids won't have to hitch
You gotta love this time of year
Yup, holidays can be a bitch

But I still have my Hubert
A bright spot in my malaise
And my dream I'll discover his/her identity
One of these Chasing Hubert days

No, I haven't found Hubert yet
No idea if I will or when
But it's Chasing Hubert that'll keep me going
Through 2010

To all Chasing Hubert readers
My thanks for reading what I write
A Merry Christmas to all of you
And to all a good night!

Where's Hubert?

Chasing Hubert is oddly reminiscent of the children's book "Where's Waldo" that was so popular in the '80s and spawned a host of "Where's Waldo" commercial franchises. Personally, I found the whole "Where's Waldo" theme frustrating rather than amusing. Staring at a page crammed with hundreds of tiny images in order to find the red and white striped ski-capped Waldo was not my idea of entertainment.  But it did give me an idea to mark the locations of Hubert's etchings on a map.

Unskilled in cartography, I enlisted the aid of my husband who directed me to GoogleEarth where I proceeded to spend hours marking all the etching sights with an icon of a bereted and goateed French artist - I spare no effort for my Hubert. However, what my husband neglected to tell me before I dedicated chunks of time that could have been spent on holiday preparations was that because of size constrictions it is impossible to post a map with all of those details in a space barely larger than a postage stamp.  Instead of leading me to Hubert the intended map almost led to divorce court. Confronted with less than ideal conditions and map-making skills, the above map is the best that I could do. It is limited in that it shows only Hubert's Paris subjects.  There are additional etchings set in other areas of France as well as a number in Belgium.  I'm afraid the Belgium map will have to wait until another time or another husband.

Other than flying to France and tacking wanted posters on lampposts in these locations I'm not entirely sure in what way this map will help my search - it sure sounded like a good idea at the time though. And it was an interesting project to distract me from the fact that I have not done any Christmas shopping to date nor is there one iota of holiday cheer in my house. Instead, my home currently resembles an FBI interrogation office with Hubert tracking maps hung by the chimney with care rather than the requisite stockings.

To add to my December distress, I received a not-too-encouraging response from Sothebys stating "Thank you very much for contacting Sotheby's regarding your print. Our experts have reviewed the work and were unable to determine the artist or authenticity of the work. If you wish to pursue the matter further we would suggest contacting the Appraisers Association of America." Yes, I do wish to pursue the matter and will attempt to give the AA of A call, however, I'm anticipating that there will be a fee associated with an appraisal and I don't believe spending my meager Christmas budget on a Hubert appraisal will endear me to my loved ones. Then again, I could tap into a new commercial enterprise of my own called "Where's Hubert"...

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to." Miracle on 34th Street

I turn into Scrooge this time of year. To combat my Santa Claus anxiety, otherwise known as Claustrophobia, my daughter broke out that timeless movie classic "Miracle on 34th Street", guaranteed to melt the hearts of all but the most hardened Scrooges.  Character Fred Gailey's comment to cynical parade director Doris Walker, "Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to" struck a chord with me. I couldn't help but draw a comparison between the movie and my search for Hubert. I know it's somewhat of a stretch but in my Hubert addled brain this line resonates with me because I do have faith that somehow I will find Hubert even though the odds are stacked against me.

I did receive an early Christmas gift that lifted my poor holiday spirit considerably - a response to my email inquiry from the Musee d'Orsay! Their research department found 4 painters named Hubert in their files and requested photos of some of my Hubert etchings to see if they match up.  I immediately sent off some examples for them to examine and am anxiously awaiting their reply. I might, however, have to wait a bit longer. As mentioned previously, I appear to have a lifelong history of poor timing. Apparently this problem of mine is chronic since I just heard the news that a strike by French museum workers to protest plans by the culture ministry to cut the civil service by replacing only half of all retiring employees has shut down many of Paris's museums and monuments. And yes, the Musee d'Orsay is one of the museums affected. Hopefully, for all involved, the issues will be resolved soon.

Meantime, I've been learning about the various steps involved in creating an etching. The book 'Making an Etching' by Levon West describes the procedure as "etching is a process whereby a polished metal plate is covered with an acid-resistant ground, into which a design is drawn with a needle that exposes, but does not penetrate, the metal. Acid is the introduced to bite the design into the plate. Finally, ink is forced into the bitten lines which, under pressure, will yield an impression on paper. The print so produced is known as an etching." Wow. I have even more respect and admiration for Hubert. My patience runs thin when I have to wait at a long traffic light - I cannot begin to imagine how time consuming producing all of those intricate etchings must have been for Hubert.

According to West, the etcher "is undertaking a task that will give him no rest. Etching is not merely the act of putting down an idea on copper instead of wood or canvas.  Nor is it as simple as making a drawing on paper. The art of etching is the successful coordination of several qualities, some of which are not classed as 'artistic'. A good etcher must be, above everything else, a good craftsman." It sounds like there is an awful lot going on in order to create an etching. For someone who cannot pat their head and rub their stomach at the same time I am extremely in awe of this immensely talented, almost mythical artist named Hubert. And extremely perplexed as to how and why he is still a mystery. But, in the words of  Kris Kringle from "Miracle on 34th Street", "... not only IS there such a person, but here I am to prove it."  I believe, I believe, I believe....